Thursday, June 30, 2011
Barefoot And Pregnant
I suspected it for a day or so, but last night I took a test and it was positive!!! This morning I took a digital one and there it was "Pregnant"! It was beautiful. Having a history of miscarriages, I know that just because I am pregnant, does not mean I will have a baby in eight months. This tiny life inside of me is precious and I must treat every minute of this as just what it is, a blessing. I am having a bit of spotting, which worries me a little, but so far it is nothing too bad. We plan to announce it at about six weeks providing everything goes well.
Started using the Brewer's Pregnancy Diet Plan today. It feels like a lot of food, but it is all healthy and good, so I guess it is OK. I may have to work my way up to it though. I wrote up a check list to make it easier to follow. I didn't nap with Bunny today and now it is 6:30 and I am pooped. Feeling a lot of action (pregnant feeling) today, and I am no longer spotting (Thank you God). In life group we had to write something that we were giving God on a piece of paper, then tear it up to show that it is not our problem anymore. I wrote "This baby and pregnancy". As a follow through I have decided to go on as if I will actually have this baby in March. If I end up miscarrying, I will know that I did nothing to cause it and God knows the whole plan.
Broke down and put bunny's big sister shirt on her for church today. It was kinda fun waiting see who noticed it. Only a couple got it so we ended up pointing it out to a few others. I called Mommaw and wished her a happy birthday and that I have a great present for her. She guessed it right away. I am feeling kinda pukey and tired so I think I will take a nap.
Feeling pretty good this morning. Lost 7 lbs in one week just by eating healthy. Should have started months ago haha. Bunny was awake for a bit last night but she didn't try to get out of bed. She just rolled around and nursed on and off for about an hour. Heading to Mama's for playschool. ... Took a long hike with the littles. Feeling tired, but good. Nap time. ... Feeling sleepy tonight. Heading to bed to dream of this baby while surounded by my loves.
Woke up this morning to the pukey feeling that I love (no really, I love the fact that I have morning sickness). However, when I went to the bathroom, I found that I was spotting again. I hate spotting. It reminds me of a time in my life that I do not wish to relive with Sprout (Baby's name for now). I am praying hard, but knowing that He knows best. Even if it is not what I want now, it is what I would choose if I knew the whole story. I just hope that the whole story doesn't call for me to lose this baby. ... Not spotting now, and hope to stay that way. ... I think I may have figured it out. Just like when I was pregnant with Bunny and I would spot after... umm... certain things that can cause you uterus to contract, I now spot after nursing Bunny for extended amounts of time (this can also cause you uterus to contract). So I hope this is just how I work and it means nothing for Sprout. I hope. I love being pregnant!
Bunny had a bit of a teething fever and was up through the night some. I finally gave her a Calms Forte' tablet and she went back to sleep. In the midst of all this, I realized that my underwear were wet and sticky. I nearly had myself convinced that I had misacarrried, but when I went to the bathroom it was just cervical mucus. Yay! I am begining to wonder why I worry so much about it. I mean, I have only had one for sure miscarriage (with the other one, I was never 100% sure), and it was with the pill in my system. I have not used the pill since and am just returning to "normal" cycles (well, normal for me) since having Bunny. So why worry? Because I am a control freak and I have absolutely no control over miscarriage. I mean I am eating healthier than ever before, and staying away from things that are not good for Sprout, But none of that can 100% keep me from miscarrying. I can do nothing other than what I am already doing, and it drives me crazy. In the end, I gave it to God. I can't get it back even if I wanted to. It is gone. So I guess it is time stop grasping at the air.
I was pretty sleepy today. Napped with Bunny. Feeling pregnant, but in a good way. I have a four day weekend, so I am going to get the house deep cleaned before I hit the exhaustion of pregnancy. After trying out Meagan's, I decided to buy an Ergo for Bunny. This should help make walks a bit easier. I am still doing very well with healthy eating. Heading to bed soon. I will be 5 weeks tomorrow!