Bunny and her papa were not always the best of friends. When she was a wee babe, she was a major mama's girl. As she got older, Papa would try to spend time with her, but it never lasted long and she would come toddling off to find me. When Squirrely was born, it was easy for her to be a papa's girl because he had a lot more one on one time with her every night while I put big sister to sleep. As long as she had a full belly, she was completely happy with him. We kinda just fell into that arrangement. Any time we needed to divide and conquer a task, Bunny was mine and Squirrely was his. After a while however, I started to see that is was not just a preference towards me. Bunny really wanted nothing to do with her papa. She did not like him. At all.
I want to stop right here in my story to point out that Papa had literally no example of good parenting until his teen years. As I watched him interact with Bunny, it became quite clear to me that he was in over his head. Bunny was a little wild thing, and he had no idea what he was doing. If you ask him now, he will completely agree with me on this. He went between taking no interest, to being much to harsh. He was constantly scooping her up to make her obey whatever he thought she should be doing. Bunny didn't respond well, and so they drifted further and further apart.
I watched them carefully day after day, trying to figure out how to remedy this. Finally I came up with a plan. It was totally different than anything we had tried or even heard of trying. For the next few months, Papa stopped trying to parent Bunny at all. It was obvious that he was not good at it anyway. He was doing more damage than good. At 2.5 years old, we completely scrapped the blue print of parenting and started fresh, one day at a time. I am forever grateful to Papa that he was willing to give it a try. It may be the single greatest thing he has ever done for us.
Instead of trying to be a parent, Papa became Bunny's friend. This transition took a while. I stepped back and let him do all the fun parts. He would bring her home treats and build her blanket forts and get muddy with her at the creek. He would never say no unless there was danger (An awesome side effect of this was that he started to see how little the word "no" is really needed). If I came up with a fun idea, I would secretly tell him, so he would get all of the glory for it. I played him up to her, so she would be excited when he was home. He wooed her. It was also during this time that I convinced him that gentle parenting was the way for us. Up until then, we always assumed we would spank and use traditional punishments when our children were older. We didn't set out to parent the way we do now. We came to it out of necessity. We decided we wanted their hearts more than we wanted their obedience. We also learned that true respect comes from love, not fear.
Each week I join several linky parties! What a fun way to share and learn!
Mama Reads Monday, Craft & Activity Share, Monday Sharing Day on Facebook, Thoughtful Spot, Natural Living Monday, Montessori Monday, Homemade Mondays, Mama Moments Monday {Link Up}, The Gathering Spot, Little Wonders' Days, Mom's Monday Mingle, Mommy Moments, Frugal, Crafty Home, Hip Homeschool Hop, Mom's Library, Tuesday Tots, Keep Calm Craft On {crafting on}, Tuned in Tuesday, Teach Me Tuesday, Backyard Farming Connection Hop, Tuned in Tuesday, Tuesday Tutorials, Life Created Tuesdays, Kids in the Kitchen, It's Playtime, We Made That Linky, What I Learned Wednesday, Kids Co-Op, Artsy Play Wednesday, Healthy 2Day Wednesday, Wildcrafting Wednesday, Adorned From Above , Frugal Days, Sustainable Ways, Kids Crafts, Link and Learn, needle and thREAD, Made U Look, Tender Moments with Toddlers and Preschoolers, Natural Living Link-Up, Small Footprint Friday, Our Days Homeschool Link-Up, For the Kids Friday, FarmGirl Friday Blog Hop, Kitchen Fun and Crafty Friday, Read. Explore. Learn., Creative Learning on Friday, Preschool and Kindergarten Corner,The Friday Baby Shower, TGIF Linky Party, Family Fun Friday, Creative Friday, Friday Flair Link Party, Shine on Fridays, Friday Favs, Outdoor Play Party, Do Something Crafty, Weekend Whatever, Saturday Show and Tell, Tot School Gathering Place, Sharing Saturday, Share It Saturday, Country Kids, Link and Learn, Show and Share Saturday, Stress Free Sunday, Sunday Parenting Pointers, The Sunday Showcase, The Sunday Parenting Party, The Homesteaders' Blog Hop, Making Boys Men, Made with Love, Raising Memories
