I have changed so much since we got married. I was painfully shy. A very nervous person who could barely make a phone call to set up an appointment or return an item at a store without have a minor panic attack. I was very comfortable with my issues. I had learned to work around them. Avoiding people and topics that might cause me to do any more than answer yes or no. The Hubs on the other hand, is a people person. We worked well together. He didn't mind making phone calls or dealing with people for me. He was kinda like my PR person, as well as my husband. I realized when Bunny was born that sometimes not standing up means laying down and dying. These days, I am not nearly so shy. I can talk without freaking out. People that just meet me don't even know that I once would have been happy to live out my days in simple hermitage. I blame Bunny for bringing me out of my shell and into this wide world that is full of possibilities. She makes me brave. She makes me strong. Even in my weakest moment.
The Hubs (who I have recently been calling Papa) has changed some too. First of all, he now has chest hair (and a lot more facial hair). Tehehe. Secondly, it turns out that he is an amazing papa. I mean, I always knew that he would be a good dad, But he really amazes me when he is with Bunny. It kinda makes me love him even more. Thirdly, he has really let go of a lot of things that were holding him back. Taken a lot of his worries and hurts and laid them down for our happiness.
As we grow and change, I am thankful that, like two vines growing side by side, we have become entangled in each other even more. So that it is sometimes hard to determine where his heart ends and mine begins. I am also thankful that we have a God who is never changing. Never. In these three years we have been pregnant three times. While two of our tiny babies have gone home ahead of us, Bunny is our daily (sometimes several times a day) reminder the we are not done here yet. There is still work left to do (I will write more about it at some point... Not yet, but soon). I sometimes forget that I am only 21 and Papa is only 22. Children really. How is it that we have been through so much together already? How is it that we have been strong enough to make it this far? Only through Him have we climbed our mountains. Only through Him and the people He has put in our lives have we found hope for what is to come.
Papa will be starting a new job soon. A job that requires him to be out of town a lot. We have never been apart in all this time. This makes the idea of out of town work a bit disheartening. While we are praying for a job closer to home, we know that this is a good job and a good opportunity. An opportunity that we can't (at this point) turn down. We now stand on the edge of a cliff. I hold my breath, and with Bunny on my hip, I take Papa's hand and jump. Whether we end up with something solid to stand on or learning to fly has yet to be determined. All I can do for now is take one day (one step) at a time and pray that God opens and closes doors for us along this path He has set us on.
"When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." --Barbara J. Winter