I have not been as present in this space as I would have liked to have been. I could easily excuse it by saying that I have just been busy with life and that is very much true... But it is not the main reason I have been more absent than not. Truth is, I have been focusing on healing some health issues. See, in the summer of 2012, I had Squirrely. Her birth changed me in so many ways for the better. I was on top of the world.
A few months later, Papa took a job an hour away, working 12 hour swing shifts. While him working that much was never really part of the plan, we really couldn't turn down the money he would make because it could fund dreams we never thought could come true... And so began my imminent downward spiral... It took me way too many months of basically single parenting (except I did have a little help due to living next door to Mama) while still working at our daycare and doing all the house work and animal care to realize that I could, in fact, not do it all... Or even much at all...
By summer, I was tired all the time. My house was only clean on days that Papa was home to help. Even then, it was not up to my normal standards. And just when I thought I could maybe just maybe do just enough to get by in order to survive, in May we had a surprise pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage... Then in early August, we had another miscarriage... After that I hit an all time low that lasted for over 3 months. I started to depend on caffeine or sugar (that I had not needed or even frequented them before) to get me through the day. My mind was in a constant fog. My ability to plan out or accomplish even the simplest of tasks had seemingly disappeared. I could not sleep at night even though I was dog tired. I gained weight even when I thought I was eating less. By October, I was questioning EVERYTHING. Alas, I had no idea what was wrong with me.
Finally by the grace of God, in November I found a link on a facebook page that I "liked" (I wish that I could remember what one it was so I could thank them, but like I said, I was in a constant fog). Something about healing hormonal imbalances... I followed the link. It lead me to another link... And another... And another... And there it was. Everything that was wrong with me in one diagnosis. Adrenal Fatigue. I took an online test and it turned out, my case was actually quite severe. I was so relived to finally have an answer, and I began researching how to heal.
That is what I have been doing for the past few months. I started taking all kinds of vitamins and supplements and making myself get back to eating healthy. I went to bed earlier and basically let go of a lot of stressful things in my life (including the guilt I felt for falling apart in the first place). I am feeling better. Much more like my old self again. I am keeping up with my new habits, though I think Adrenal Fatigue is one of those things that can creep back up on a person if they are not careful.
My word this year is Nourish. I will try to remember it in everything I do. There have also been some crazy amazing changes going on around here. I am not going to get into it now, but I will say that those dreams we have been working so hard for are coming true... And it nourishes my soul.
a warm foot bath with Epsom salts and essential oils while sipping on lemon water during rest time with my big girl